Dummies Guide to Survival
by settingthesunrise
Summary: Gracie's world is slowly falling apart around her. Her mom is moving in with Disgusting Daniel, her brother lives all the way up in Alaska, she doesn't even know her friends anymore, and she has this really hot guy following her around everywhere she goes. Well, that last part isn't actually so bad. Hey, she's just trying to survive.
1. Chapter 1

My mom was thirty minutes late to pick me up, per usual. The drizzly Washington climate dampened my habitually curling hair and slid off my yellow raincoat. My suitcase made a nice seat after I decided to forgo the cigarette butt covered bench that sat outside the bus station thirty minutes before when the bus had dropped me off in Port Angeles.

I checked my phone's clock for the thousandth time and brushed my hair out of my face for the millionth time and wondered where my mom was for the billionth time when she squealed into the parking lot. I barely had time to stand up before she came at me like a linebacker looking for a hug.

"My baby!" She yelled over the constant current of cold rain. "My beautiful baby, come here. Gracie, come give your mama a hug!"

She embraced me tightly, like she did a year ago for the last time when I left for Alaska. She used to hug me like that all the time when I was little, but then she stopped. I never figured out why she stopped. Mom always hugged my brother, Adam, like that.

"Well, get in," she ordered, pushing me towards the car and grabbing my suitcase with her other hand. My mother was a very petite woman, but she wielded great force by the sheer will of her personality. Sometimes I pretended that I had as big of a personality as her, but I don't think I would know what to do if I did.

The car ride to my childhood home was filled with the scent of rain and my mom's never ending stream of chatter. Adam always said that my first sentence was "Shut up," but that was neither confirmed nor denied.

I tuned back in when Mom mentioned college. "I know that you don't want to go to college your first year out of school, but there's just so many options out there for a smart girl like you. I picked out a few of them and they're laid out on the kitchen table. Now, there's no pressure for to pick right away, but Dan's going to finish moving in tomorrow morning, too, so you might have too—"

"Dan is moving in?" I interrupt her. Daniel Williams is Mom's brand new boyfriend, and he is as boring as his name. From the weekly phone calls Adam and I got from our mom in the past year, Daniel is a car insurance provider. That pretty much covers it.

"Yes, sweetheart, and you're going to love him. He's sweet and funny, nothing like your father," Mom cut herself off as soon as she mentioned my father. I could feel myself stiffen and I sighed heavily, imagining that all of problems would just whoosh out of my body like the carbon dioxide I was exhaling.

"Mom, I know that you love me and are really excited to see me, but please don't ever talk to me about Dad ever again," I told her as calmly as I could. When I saw her open her mouth to apologize, I held up my hand as said, "I mean it, Mom. Don't ever fucking say anything about that man to me ever again. He's dirt, Mom, and you should fucking hate him for what he did to us."

My mother was silent, stewing, for the rest of the way back to her house. When she pulled her big, bulky Buick into her driveway, she threw the car in park with ferocity. I went to open the door before she could say anything to me, but she locked the car from her side as I reached for the handle.

"Listen to me, Gracie Meredith Seeders. I understand that you think that you have some kind of independence after living away from home, but you don't. You don't get to talk to me like that when you live under my roof. Do you understand?" My mother snapped, shoving her short, stubby little mom fingers under my nose. I nodded reluctantly and she let me out of the car.

"Yeah, Mom," I mumbled, spilling out of the car and into the driveway in a rush to get away from her. Daniel opened the front door like he knew we were there the whole time and practically floated over to us like the fucking fairy he was. I dragged my suitcase out of the trunk while he placed a kiss on her lips. It grossed me out in a way that kisses in movies gross little kids out.

"Yikes, Seeders, I've never wanted to see your mom's tongue before now and I hope I never see it again," a voice behind me said. I turned at the unfamiliar bell-like voice and saw the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my whole life. She had long brown hair and light brown eyes, and she strutted over to me with the most grace I have ever witnessed someone use outside of a catwalk. The woman walked right up to me and smiled widely. She even smelled pretty, like a field of flowers.

"I'm sorry," I said, blinking out the stars from my eyes, "do we know each other?"

She frowned quickly, almost imperceptibly. Then the grin was back smeared across her face. "Um, yeah. It's me. Bella Swan. My dad and I used to live next year. We went to high school together, but you were a couple of years younger."

Yeah, I remembered. I remember Bella Swan, and she had been a pretty girl. She wasn't knockout gorgeous, and she fell down almost every time she took a step. And I don't remember her eyes being the color that the woman's were either. I remember Bella Swan, but this lady was not the same Bella Swan I knew.

But my goal was to embrace the weirdness that Forks had to offer, so I returned her smile. "Bella," I exclaimed, "yeah, I'm sorry. How are you?"

"I'm good, actually. Really good. I got married and had a kid, and I love it," Bella gushed, her smile becoming more sincere. I nodded and tried to look pleased, but in my head I was doing the mental math. She got married while I was gone, and had a kid, and had apparently lost all of the baby weight all in a year? Was she a fucking supermodel? She was only like two years older than me, too. It freaked me the fuck out that she already had like a family and shit.

"That's so great. We should catch up, for real. I'm available whenever, I have nothing to do until my job at the law firm starts next week. I'm going to be a secretary," I babble while I back away towards my front door, grabbing the suitcase from Daniel's hand as he tries to futilely lug it up the two stairs leading to our front porch.

"Actually, my sister-in-law is hosting this big party out on First Beach tonight if you want to come. I heard a bunch of people from high school are going to be there, so if you want to catch up with everyone that might be the best way to do it," Bella calls. I drop my suitcase on my foot in surprise at her offer. We really hadn't been that close, even before she turned into a supermodel and I left for a year. I couldn't believe that she already wanted to hang out with me.

Mom was calling my name inside and my foot was throbbing after the suitcase was dropped on it, and I was frozen as I debated the offer. I hadn't talked to hardly any of my Forks friends in Alaska. Still it would be nice to talk to someone other than my mom or Daniel for a few hours. I could already tell this was going to be the worst summer ever.

"Yeah," I said after a beat, "yeah that'd be great."

"Awesome," she trilled, hunching over to dig out her phone and rapidly type out a few texts. "I'll pick you up around 7. Sound good?"

Seeing the phone in her dainty little hand was weird. It was like it didn't belong, like she wasn't a part of this era. I shook my head and dragged my suitcase all the way inside, leaning my head back out the door to shout, "Perfect, I'll see you then."

Mom stood in the hallway with her arms crossed over her chest. "I don't trust that Bella Swan. She disappeared for months after she married that Cullen boy and now Charlie Swan says she's got a baby that no one in this whole town has ever seen. Plus, she's too pretty. It's weird," Mom gossiped.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged as I continued my trek up the stairs with my suitcase. Daniel appeared right in the middle if the staircase, but I just cringed away from him and shut the door to my room decisively.

My room was nearly exactly the same as it was a year ago. A little more clean, and a little more barren too. It had lost its innocence the same way I had lost mine.

I wish I were back in Alaska with Adam.

The suitcases lay abandoned in the middle of my room, where they would probably remain until my mom bugged me enough to unpack them. I flopped down on the bed and closed my eyes for a second. The last thought I remember having before I drifted off to sleep was that it would be nice to have what Bella had. Not just the supermodel looks, but like a family. A happy life. I didn't need a kid, not now, but I wanted something to depend on, something I could look forward to at the end of the day.

I woke up suddenly at the sound of knocking on my door. I didn't know how long I slept or even what day it was anymore. It was that awful feeling that happens when you take a nap and you were super tired. Mom would be pissed if she came in to my room and saw that I had taken a nap instead of trying to unpack, so I rolled off the bed with a thump and starting throwing clothes from my suitcase into random drawers. The knocking came again and I remembered why I had been woken up in the first place.

"Um," I said, my voice cracking a little from sleep, "what is it?"

"Your friend Bella is here," Daniel said from behind the door, sounding too cheerful. Just his voice made me scrunch up my nose at the sheer awkwardness of him. "She says you have plans."

"Yeah," I called, remembering that I was going to go to a party on the Rez with a bunch of people that I wasn't even friends with anymore and I hadn't even brushed my hair yet. "I'll be down in a minute."

I sat back on my heels when I heard his footsteps retreating back down the stairs. My room was messier than before buy it wasn't a disaster. At least it looked like I had tried.

When I glanced in the mirror, however, I told a different story. "Jesus H. Christ," I murmured to myself as I pulled at the dark bags under my eyes and poked at the rats in my curly blonde hair. My wrinkled t-shirt was beyond help, especially due to the mustard stain on the neckline that I didn't remember having when I left Alaska yesterday night. All I could do was throw my hair up into a messy bun and call it an outfit before I threw open my door and trudged down the stairs.

Bella and my mother were having a deep conversation in low tones, but stopped immediately when they noticed I came into the room. I got that feeling you get when you know someone is talking about you because they stop as soon as they see you. Mom clucked her tongue when she saw my outfit, and I gave her a thin smile as I sidestepped her.

Bella just blinked at me with her odd eyes and then gave me a sweet smile. "Are you ready to go?" She asked, already heading to the door.

I didn't say anything but followed compliantly, which was followed shortly by practically sprinting to Bella's shiny BMW so I could pretend that I didn't hear my mom ask what time I was going to be home. If I could just avoid Mom forever, maybe she would give up trying to talk to me about what happened.

The inside of Bella's car was dark and cold and filled with a thousand shiny buttons that all had their own purpose. I had barely buckled my seat when we were rocketing down the road. This was a far cry from the Bella that had driven me to school after Adam graduated in her ancient truck that could barely reach fifty miles per hour.

My back was pressed tightly against the seat and I felt completely out of control. My hands curled tightly over my thigh and the Oh Shit handle respectively. I closed my eyes so I didn't have to see my quiet town whizzing by at a hundred miles per hour. Bella seemed unaffected. Wasn't her dad a cop? This should be at the top of the list of things not to do when your dad was a cop.

"Edward got me this car," she chattered, covering up the silent, anxious air I was quickly breathing in and out. "It goes fast and its pretty eco friendly. You remember Edward Cullen, when he was my boyfriend? He's my husband now, I guess. It's weird to have to explain it someone, everyone else was at the wedding."

I forgot myself for a second and actually pitied her despite her desire to shift the car into warp speed. Did she want me at her wedding? Did she miss me when I wasn't here? I never thought we were that close, but maybe to her we were.

Instead of asking her that, I kept my mouth shut. I didn't know if I'd spew vomit or curse words, but it wouldn't end well for me in either situation.

We made it to First Beach (in five minutes instead of twenty), and parked close to where the bonfire was roaring and the people milled about. The sun had set, so I could only see the silhouettes of people, but there seemed to be a lot. As soon as we stepped out of the car, Bella's name was called from all different directions.

"Bella!"

"Bella, you're late!"

"Who is that, Bella?"

"Hey, Bella," a hulking guy said as he approached. I was only able to see him when he was a couple of feet in front of us, and he was a giant. Like, super huge guy. He was really cute, too, and totally my type. "I'm glad you're here."

"Thanks, Jake," Bella whispered, reaching up to hug him around the neck. "Um, this is Charlie's next door neighbor, Gracie Seeders. Gracie, this is Jacob Black. Gracie lived in Alaska for the past year, so she's really missed a lot."

She and Jake shared a knowing look before he reached out one of his giant hands to shake. "Nice to meet you, Gracie," he rumbled.

I smiled politely and intoned, "Nice to meet you, Jacob."

A tiny figure danced up to us and threw her arms around me, squeezing me tight. I knew her immediately from her light laughter. Alice Cullen had always been weird in high school but she had never bothered with me much. She knew me through Bella, but only because Bella drove me to school my junior year. And only sometimes did she even do that. To say I was shocked at Alice Cullen hugging me tightly was no joke.

"Alice," Bella hissed between her teeth as she hauled the small Cullen off of me, "please act normal."

"Sorry," Alice laughed around her smile, "I get a little excited around new blood."

"Alice!" Bella shrieked, loud enough for a tall, blonde guy to slink out of the shadows and grab her hand to lead her away from us. Jasper Hale was just as awkward up close as he always seemed to be from afar.

Bella shook her head and gave me a sideways smile. "I'm sorry, I know you probably want to go find your friends. Alice just gets a little lost sometimes. She's actually an awesome person," Bella apologized for her friend. Sister-in-law. Whatever.

Jacob Black snorted, and Bella gave him a dirty look.

"I'm not in a rush to see anybody," I told her quickly, probably a little too quickly. I was desperate for friends, for the support system in Forks that I had in Alaska with Adam. Bella seemed to like me well enough, and she was turning out to a little intriguing fun too.

Bella seemed satisfied with my answer and led me through the crowd of people, stopping a few times to say hello or give me a quick introduction if we hadn't gone to school together. It was weird, I had been gone a year but I had lived in Forks my whole life. These people should be welcoming me back like family, not like was a new kid. I had gone to the same school as them for years, minus the Quileute kids.

All the same, I hadn't been around this many people in a long time. At least since I had moved to Alaska. My throat felt tight and my head felt like it had been pumped full of helium. I couldn't see straight, so I plopped myself down on the nearest piece of driftwood and let my forehead fall into my hands. The nervousness would subside, after a while. It always did. My own heartbeat was too loud in my own ears, which is probably why I fell off my log when someone laid a tentative hand on my shoulder.

"Jesus," a deep voice said with surprise, "are you okay?"

It wasn't Jacob Black, and it wasn't any of the other huge boys that I had met either. He looked like he had just gotten there, which I had presumed from the mechanics jumpsuit he wore that was covered in oil and other various car greases.

My face was flaming hot, and I was way too embarrassed to even look in his direction as I picked myself up off of the damp sand. I rested on my knees to wipe the sand off my hands and said, "I can't say that was really my finest moment, but I'm alright. The funny part is that I haven't even been diagnosed as a crazy person yet."

"Um, okay," the guy said, and then set his red solo cup on the piece of driftwood to offer me his hand. "Here— let me help you up."

I strongly considered ignoring his hand and getting up on my own and then running back to Forks myself. This was pure mortification. Instead, I reached my hand up to fit nicely into his hot one.

And by his hand being "hot," I don't mean it in a sexual term. I mean it in a way that describes when you've stayed by the fire too long and now it feels like you're running a fever. Temperature wise.

My eyes snapped up to his face in surprise at the sudden temperature change. The guy had a bright smile on his face that quickly melted off, and his dark eyes widened dramatically. He had this super intense look on his face like he was trying to figure out the answer to the world's hardest calculus problem. And then he started to shake.

No, shaking is too tame. This guy started to vibrate.

I tried to yank my hand out of his after a couple of seconds of shock, but his grip was so tight that it was beginning to hurt. "Hey," I gritted out through the pain as I tugged on my arm, "let go of me. That fucking hurts."

He just kept on vibrating and getting incrementally getting temperature-hotter until I really couldn't see him except for a general shape. His lines were all blurred and shiny and I felt like crying. I had been back in Forks for a day and I was going to die at the hands, literally, of a mysterious, vibrating boy.

"Seth," a bunch of Quileute guys that I had met earlier all started calling out as they ran at us head first, dead sprint. All of these massive guys were by our side in seconds, ripping the guy off of me and dragging him into the woods. His eyes stared at me even when I couldn't see him anymore, and a shiver went down my spine.

"So fuckin' weird," I muttered to myself, clutching my hand tightly too my chest. I would have bruises tomorrow, but I wonder if maybe some burns too. When I turned back to the bonfire, I noticed that everyone at the party was now staring at me with varying displays of judgment.

I couldn't take it anymore. I just turned around and left.

* * *

 **Obviously only first chapter, but I feel good stuff about this one. Let me know what you guys think.**

 **Also, I don't own Twilight.**


	2. Chapter 2

I made it all the way to the parked cars where the beach ended and the road began before Bella caught up with me. She didn't seem out of breath, but I was. My chest heaved at the thought of that huge guy shimmering and vibrating and holding my hand too tight. I flexed the bones and they popped loudly, making me jump.

It was the eyes though. That guy had these super dark eyes, too dark for me to see inside. I thought about the way they had reflected the firelight in that moment, when I had looked at him, and they had looked almost… like an animal's did. Adam and I used to watch Discovery channel all the time, and they looked exactly like a predator's eyes did before they went in for the kill.

"Hey, I'm so sorry about Seth. He really is a sweet guy, I know that he didn't mean to freak you out," Bella apologized to my back when I kept walking.

I shrugged but didn't say anything. "I'll give you a ride back to your house if you want," she offered, sounding unsure for the first time that night. All it took was that slight bit of hesitance, and then I knew. My back straightened like a rod.

Bella wasn't being nice to me because she missed me while I was gone or because we had been really great friends. She wasn't being nice to me because she wanted to be my friend now. She wasn't even being nice to me because she thought that I would want to go to a party that all my former classmates were at. Bella was being nice to me because she Knew.

She _knew_ what had happened to me a year ago.

I coughed up the catch in my throat that meant I wanted to cry, and I turned on my heel to look her in the eye. I was right, her eyes were sad and she was giving me a soft smile, like she thought I was barely holding it together. Which was true, damn her.

Before I could tell her she could take her sympathy straight to hell, a large Quileute boy, I think his name was Embry, ran up to her and whispered something low and fast in her ear. Bella answered in the same tone, and I found myself leaning forward to catch a beat of their quiet conversation. Then they both straightened and turned to me.

"Gracie, my friend Jake needs to talk to you for a minute. If it's too much, I can tell him later," Bella says softly, only a fraction louder than what she said to Embry. She reached out and placed a motherly hand on my shoulder. I fought the urge to push her down into the rocks and tell her that I already had a mom, no matter how shitty she was, and I didn't need my next door neighbor turned supermodel family woman to give me any more nurturing.

I nodded instead of doing any of that, and Embry ran back off in the night, towards the forest. He was only wearing cut off jeans, despite the chill in the air from the downpour that had happened earlier in the day.

Bella and I stared at each other in the moonlight. Her knowing what I had never wanted anyone to know, and I knowing that she knew. It was excruciatingly uncomfortable.

Jacob interrupted our stare down by running in between us at a full sprint, grabbing me immediately by the shoulders and giving me a firm shake. When my head stopped spinning and I was able to look into his eyes, he gave me the meanest look I had ever seen. I wanted to curl up in a ball. I tried to look anywhere but his face but his dark eyes kept me hostage.

"You can't tell anyone what you saw tonight, girl. If anyone asks, Seth had a seizure. It's really important that you don't tell anyone. If you do, we could all be in danger, even you. Do you understand?" Jacob asked me, speaking quickly. I nodded fervently, hoping he would let me go. He was warm, too warm for me, and all I wanted was too lay in my bed until my heart stopped trying to beat out of my chest.

"Jake, that's enough," Bella commanded. My eyes squeezed shut as I thought of what could have happened to me tonight. While I didn't know what kind of danger that the Seth guy posed, I knew it had been life altering now. This show of aggression was enough to set anyone on high alert.

"Let go," I heard myself whisper, "let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let _go_. Let me _go_."

He didn't let go until he was ripped off. My eyes sprang open at the sensation of freedom. Bella and Jacob squared off, both emitting inhuman sounds and letting their lips curl up to expose their teeth.

I reached for my phone and whipped it out while they were transfixed on each other. My fingers searched for my mother's name without having to look at my phone and I pulled it to my ear tightly. It rang for a tone and then my mom answered, sounding giggly.

"Shanna Seeders speaking," she said, and then I heard Daniel behind her say something and she laughed again.

"Mom," I gasped out, wincing as my voice caught in my throat, making me unable to say anything else. But my mom knew.

"I'll be right there, honey. You sit tight. Don't leave. Don't move, Gracie," she said, sounding out of breath and I knew she was running around the house already slipping on shoes and grabbing her keys. I hung up right as I heard our front door slam shut.

Bella and Jacob had stopped inching towards each other, looking like they were going to try to rip out each others throats. Instead, they stood and eyed each other coolly; as if they had reached an unspoken understanding in the two seconds that I had been on the phone with my mother.

Jacob turned around to look at me one more time before he too ran off back to the forest he came from. Bella gave me one last sympathetic look as I turned away from her and waited for my mom to fulfill this promise. I let myself cry, silent tears.

I cried for how awful Forks and myself. It was too spooky, and I spooked easily. I didn't fit in before I left and I didn't fit in now. I missed Alaska and Adam and even though I didn't want to admit it, I missed my dad and the way our family used to make sense. I cried for that more than anything.

I don't know why that boy had shaken like that, but it had shaken me too. It had shaken loose all of these things that I had kept on high shelves, too high for me to reach. That boy had made me remember the good, the bad, and myself. And I never wanted to feel that way again. I never wanted to see that boy again.

Mom picked me up then, so I was able to escape whatever was chasing me. Sobs ripped out of my chest as she pushed some curls out of my face. We drove through the forest where huge Quileute men ran off to, and I swear I heard a wolf howl.

* * *

Nobody said anything in my house the next morning. I had called Adam when I had gotten home and he had barely gotten a hello out before I was sobbing again. He listened to me cry until I fell asleep.

Mom set some pancakes and bacon down in front of me, but I felt sick. Disgusting Dan was gone for his job and a car insurance provider or something like that, and I hoped that this was always the way it was in the morning.

"Do you want to tell me what happened at that bonfire last night? Did someone say something? Was it Amanda Halfhorne? She always the snottiest little kid, I remember when she used to register at the toy store for her birthday parties and—" My mom raged, apparently picturing the sight of Amanda Halfhorne sticking her nose where it didn't belong. I stopped her with a short bark of laughter and a shake of my head.

"No, Mom. It was nothing. Really," I swore, even though it was. Mom was already feeling the stress of having one estranged child; she didn't need a crazy one too. Plus, Jacob had made me swear not to tell anyone the way that Seth had acted. I was guessing that applied to my gossipy mother in the pinnacle of the sense.

Mom narrowed her eyes at me and I looked away. Adam used to say that moms could always tell when their kids were lying. He used to say that a light came on in our foreheads that only our Mom could see. It used to scare me to think that I had a light bulb in forehead that could call me out on my lie. My tell when I was younger had been that I cupped a hand over my head so no one could see my light. It had led to a losing poker streak with Adam and his friends, of course.

I guess my mom couldn't see my light this time, because she didn't bring it up again. Instead, she finished my breakfast for me and babbled about taking me out to shop for some summer clothes in Port Angeles. Apparently, Disgusting Dan made a lot of money, and she was no longer relying on child support.

Deep down, I wanted to confront her about telling Bella. There was no other way that she could've found out besides my mom flat out telling her. And maybe she even tried to convince Bella to be my friend. My stomach twisted at the thought.

"Um, maybe we can go shopping later," I said, ignoring my anxiety. "I want to take a walk."

My mom looked surprised. Before I left, I never went outside without a purpose. But Alaska had been so beautiful, and I missed the cold, crisp air biting at my lungs.

I went upstairs and ignored my room looking like a tornado had buzzed around it. The socks that I could find were mismatched but fuzzy, and made the rain boots that I slipped on feel cozy instead of foreign. Mom and I exchanged a brief goodbye and then I left.

My house was the second to last one on the street. We didn't have a neighbor across the street. Sheriff Swan's house rested to our left and Huey Thomas had a house to our right. Huey was also the owner of the whittling shop on the square. My house was quaint and had a small green patch of grass Mom called our front lawn that I had mowed in the summers, but now lay overgrown and infested with weeds. I gave it a side eye as I past, allowing the slight fear that something unknown could pop out of it as I passed. Nothing ever did, but nature should always be feared a little.

I walked towards the woods, following a little path that Adam and I had used to run get to our tree fort. I frowned when I thought about Adam; he was probably wondering what had happened last night. And I couldn't tell him.

I walked all the way to our old tree house. I hadn't been out here since Adam had moved away to college. It was overgrown with vegetation and the steps nailed into the tree for us to climb up to the fort looked unstable. I smiled anyway, and was about to take another step when I heard a groan.

My senses were on high alert in a second, forcing me to survey the area quickly. My eyes locked on the source, about thirty yards off the path. I don't know how I missed it before. It was large and twitching, and the light drizzle was making steam come off its warm body.

It was a man, and a naked one at that.

I grabbed a stick, about as long as my arm, and slowly trekked over to the shivering body. He lay hunched up in the fetal position, and pink scratches crisscrossed his back. They may have covered his whole body, but my vantage point only allowed to see the part that was facing me. He had obviously been attacked, and it very well could've been the wolves that I had heard last night. I hesitated at the thought, but I was now about five feet from his body.

I poked him with the stick.

He shuddered, but his head turned around as his eyes fluttered open. I dropped my stick in shock and sprinted to the tree house. I had recognized him, and in the split second that our eyes had met, I knew he had recognized me, too.

It was Seth, the guy from last night. The reason I was feeling so out of sorts. The cause of my current problems in Forks. I mean, what were the fucking odds?

I didn't turn around but I heard his body heave off the ground and the crack of sticks breaking around him as he followed me. I hit the tree that held our childhood fort and starting climbing, hand over foot, up the tree. The footholds were creaky and I felt one break under my foot about half way up the tree. I grabbed on tight to the one in my hand and just pushed myself up to the next step.

I made it up into the tree house and slammed the trap door shut. It smelled like wet dog and dry rot, but it was a fuck of a lot better than being on the ground with _him_. I gasped for air and shook out my arms for a minute before I got brave enough to look out the small window and see if he was still there.

He was.

I ducked back inside before he could see me and thought about what I could say to scare him off. I could tell him I was a murderer. I could tell him that I had a gun. I could tell him that I was going to call the cops.

I leaned out the window and shouted down, "Go away!"

His head shot up to look at me and gave me a bright smile. "Hi. Hello. Hey," he called up, rapid fire.

"I'm gonna mur- I mean I've got a g- I'm gonna tell the police!" I stuttered, cursing myself. It would've worked if I had only used one.

"What's your name?" he yelled back, sounding unperturbed by my threats. I frowned and pushed away some of the curls falling in my eyes as I leaned out the window.

"Fuck off, dude," I screamed down. He smiled again and laughed too. I wanted to wring his neck.

"I'm Seth. Seth Clearwater. Do you mind throwing me like a jacket or something? To cover up my business, if you know what I'm saying," he called up through his laughter. I pulled my head back inside as I considered this. He would probably leave if he weren't naked. It seemed logical enough to me.

I took off my jacket and dropped it through the hole in our tree house. When I stuck my head out again he had covered up by drawing the jacket around his waist snugly. It barely fit him, despite his waist being the skinniest part.

"Do you mind if I come up?" he asked politely, cupping his hand over his mouth so I could hear him. Before that, he'd been using his hands to cover up his situation.

I shook my head. "Yes, I mind very much. Don't come up here. I remember who you are," I told him. He shrugged and looked around to avoid looking at me, I guess.

"I want to apologize. That wasn't me last night. Can you come down here?" He tried again, sounding more forlorn than polite now.

I glanced over my shoulder at the trap door behind me and contemplated it. He was being very nice now. And maybe I had been too hasty to push all of my problems on him. But he was super weird, and had vibrated last night and was naked this morning. What if he was crazy or something? What if he tried to strangle me? In a fight, Seth Clearwater would definitely beat me.

A minute later I was halfway down the tree and cursing the name of Seth Clearwater yet again. And I was also cursing my poor judgment to run to a tree house instead of civilization. I had forgotten all about the step that had broken on my way up the tree, and when my foot failed to find a place, I lost my balance.

My hands searched for a place to dig themselves in and my fingernails strained to keep me attached but I fell away toward the ground, still about 30 feet below me. I know I screamed.

I braced myself for the impact and a broken bone, but Seth somehow caught me. It had all happened so quickly, I don't know how he managed it, but I was in the air and then I wasn't.

Seth looked at me and the tension in he held in his eyebrows melted, and I let my shoulders release the built up anxiety. He put me on my feet and I grabbed his arm as I regained my balance. Once I realized what I was doing I stopped, but the lazy smile on his face didn't go away.

"What's your name?" he asked again, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Gracie," I whispered back, feeling like if I were too loud, I would break this. He didn't look away from my own blue eyes, and there was definitely something.

"I'm Seth."

"I know," I laughed, unable to hold it in. This was a very different guy from last night. He had the same face, the same dark brown eyes, the same (amazing, I will absolutely admit it) body, but he was different. He made me feel bubbly inside, like all I wanted to do was laugh.

He threw his head to one side like a dog, and I sobered up. His focus wasn't on me, and I took in my bright yellow rain jacket tucked around him. That was even funny. I giggled, and I hated myself for it. I'm a chuckle-r, not a giggler. And not even thirty minutes ago, I had felt like I had one of the lowest points in my life.

"I'm sorry for last night. I don't know how to make it up to you, but right now I have to go. Can I give you your jacket later?" he asked hurriedly, stepping close and towering over me. I was average height, around 5'5", but I felt like a troll under the bridge in comparison. I craned my neck back to look into his eyes, and they held urgency and sincerity. Last night I felt like I couldn't see emotion in his eyes, but now I felt like I could see a thousand.

"Yeah. Okay," I said, barely finishing my thought before he was careening through the jungle, towards the road on the path that I came from. I watched from the base of my tree as he exited the path and then I lost sight of him. My breath whooshed out of me and my shoulders slumped. I felt so tired, as if I had lost my energy source.

I started walking back towards my house, feeling a nap. I had faced a naked man, fallen out of a tree, and had a brief conversation with the person who had made me question everything about myself, all in the span of about fifteen or twenty minutes.

My feelings toward Seth had shifted dramatically. He had saved me from certain injury, for starters. He was polite. He made me smile, and he made me laugh. He was actually hot, really hot, when he wasn't scaring the shit out of me.

I'd gotten to the road and checked to see if Seth was still running down it, but he was nowhere in sight. My mom's car was gone and when I got inside there was a note on the fridge that she had gone out to meet Disgusting Dan for lunch. I shrugged, not even bothered, and went back to bed.

Maybe Forks and I would get along after all.

* * *

 **I don't own Twilight.**

 **Tell me what you guys think. I'm kind of flying by the seat of my pants.**


	3. Chapter 3

The next few days passed without incident. My mother and I sat on the same couch and ate at the same table and slept in the same house, but I had had probably two conversations with her since the morning I had seen Seth again. Bella hadn't stopped by to see me and I hadn't been to town. My mom had avoided talking about it and I had avoided talking about it, but the problem escalated to the point that it had to be addressed.

We had run out of milk.

And my mom, who had never worked a day in her life for anything other than the perfect body, had left me a credit card on the counter when I woke up to go get some milk. The name on the card was Disgusting Dan's, of course. I cringed but slipped it into the back pocket of my jeans.

Adam called me as soon as I left the house and started my journey to the grocery store, about a ten minute walk. I picked up after the second ring.

"Hello, Grace," Adam said in his serious voice. He used to laugh a lot, but now he always seemed serious.

"Hello, Adam," I mocked him, kicking a rock to the side of the road.

Adam is only three years older than me, but he's always tried to be older. He used to boss me around when we were kids, and I was more than happy to comply. Order in our family had been rare, even when we were young, and we sought it out every chance we got.

Adam Seeders was nearly identical in looks to me. He kept his hair curly blond hair buzzed short because it grew into an afro when it was long. His blue eyes were darker than my pale, cloudy day eyes. His freckles were lighter than mine; his skin was just a fraction darker. He was tall, taller than our dad. Too thin, in Mom's opinion, but it had been over two years since she had seen him.

I loved my brother, I really did, but he sometimes he was too much. He did everything in the extreme. He was definitely the best artist I had ever seen with watercolor. He was the fastest kid in the neighborhood, the smartest kid in his class, the biggest tree hugger at our high school, and the bossiest guy I had ever met. Maybe it was his liberal arts major that made him so extreme, but I think he just needed one time in his life to be surrounded by people who were exactly like him in his classes.

"Dad called," Adam told me. I paused for a minute but made myself keep walking.

"Yeah?" I played dumb. "What did you say?"

"I told him to fuck the fuck off, what did you think? He's a goddamn life ruiner, and so is Mom. I can't believe you went back to live with her. They are low lives, Grace. Absolute scum of the earth," Adam spat out angrily. He meant it, too. I don't subscribe to the particular brand of hatred that he does, but we both agreed that the only people we could rely on were each other.

It had made Adam so, so mad when I told him I was going back to Forks. He threw a fit for days, during which he wouldn't talk to me or even look at me. I told him that me living with him had always been temporary. I was going to save enough money to get out of Forks on my own, not just ride the coattails of my brother.

"Come on," I told him for the thousandth time, "Mom isn't as bad as you think. She came and got me the other day when I was upset and she made me breakfast. It was nice."

"Yeah?" Adam asked. "Well, have you talked since then?"

"Yup."

"What did she say?"

If I hesitated, he would know I was lying. I tried to answer as quickly as possible, but Adam already knew.

"Come back to Fairbanks, Grace. Get away from them. They'll get to you, I know they will. Let me protect you," Adam begged for the millionth time himself. I felt like we just had the same conversation over and over again every time we talked. It made me annoyed, and I wanted to enjoy our short conversations.

"I'm not coming back. It's shitty here but I can make it work. Hey, I went to our old tree house the other day. It looks awful," I tell him cheerfully, as if the past minute and a half of our last conversation didn't exist. I check out my surroundings and find myself about another minute away from the store. It's surprising, I felt like I was taking my time.

"Don't change the subject," Adam commanded. I stopped walking as if he was standing right in front of me and looking down his nose at my poor life decisions.

"I'm at the grocery store, so I'll have to talk to you later. I love you, Adam," I said to him, just like we always do. He sighs and then says it back to me and I hang up. I feel like the pressure on my chest to make something happen here in Forks is mounting with every passing moment.

The town of Forks looks like any other small towns does. It has a main street, a few stoplights, and a lot of quirky little shops. I locate the grocery store, the only store not owned by a family in town, and quickly make my way inside. It had started to drizzle while I was talking to Adam and I still didn't have my rain jacket back from Seth. My hair frizzed to the point it could break the hair band when it rained.

I had barely set foot inside when I heard my name being called. It was Seth Clearwater of course, just as my hair had extended like Einstein's. I tried to ignore him but he was running straight at me. I grabbed a basket and turned to face him, fighting the smile that crept on my face at the sight of him dressed in a tight white shirt and nice, dark blue jeans.

"Gracie, hey, how are you?" he asked, looking over his shoulder every so often to give a frantic shake of his head.

"I'm feeling suspicious. First I find you naked in the woods where you steal my jacket and run off without an explanation, and now you're here. Are you following me?" I asked while I quirked my eyebrows and shifted my weight to one side. I felt nervous, but I didn't sound like it, which I was glad for.

Seth threw his head back and laughed loud, just like he did in the woods. I wondered if he was really not embarrassed to think of people hearing him laugh like that or if he was just faking it.

"Hello," a tall girl who had the same high cheekbones as Seth and identical coffee colored eyes said as she sidled up behind Seth. "And who are you?"

"This is Gracie," Seth said hastily, then turned to push the girl back a few feet. "Go away, Leah."

The tall girl shrugged and walked back towards an older lady who also had the same angular features as Seth and Leah. She walked the way I imagined a cat would if it could walk as gracefully on two legs as it did on four. She looked like she was on the hunt. I bet she always looked like that.

I always walked like a penguin that needed to take a shit.

"I have your jacket, I washed it and everything," Seth said, rubbing his neck and looking sheepish. I shrugged noncommittally and pretended like I didn't care, but I definitely did. I was not looking forward to walking in the rain with all of the groceries we needed without a rain jacket.

"Thanks," I said. I wasn't going to ask for a ride, I wasn't going to ask for a ride, I wasn't going to ask for a ride.

"My mom is actually taking these groceries we're getting to Charlie Swan's house, if you want a ride. I'm really just here for the heavy lifting," Seth told me, flexing his arm like he was a performer at the circus. I laughed despite the corniness of it all.

"I would actually fucking love a ride," I told him, glancing up after I had stopped laughing. He moaned quietly, and I felt my eyes widen. I had never heard anyone moan like that. It made me want to moan right back, just to see what he would do, but I didn't.

"Okay," he finally let out, sounding strained, "let me take your basket."

I gave it to him willingly, hoping that would help whatever pain he suddenly seemed to be in. He followed me around the store and seemed to ease up after a while, even making some jokes when I contemplated buying the store brand shredded cheese or Kraft brand. They were bad jokes, but they still made me laugh. I couldn't help it, really honestly truly.

It surprised me, how much he made me laugh. I think it surprised him too, because his big round puppy eyes would get even bigger and wider every time I did.

I paid with Disgusting Dan's card, much to my chagrin, and we met Seth's family in the parking lot. Seth introduced me to his mom and his sister, whom I had met earlier in the store. His mom seemed friendlier than Leah, but not by much. I sat in the back of Seth's ancient looking Ford Bronco with Leah and she played a game to see how red my pale cheeks would go.

"So, have you ever had a boyfriend?" Leah asked as soon as I buckled my seatbelt. I locked eyes with Seth in his rearview mirror and quickly looked away.

"Um, yeah, in the eighth grade I dated a boy for a week and a half," I told her, my blush creeping up my neck.

"Leah, cut it out," Seth whined, "Mom, make her stop."

Mrs. Clearwater crossed her arms over her chest. I couldn't see her face, but I don't think she was inclined to make this stop anytime soon.

"Why did you break up?" Leah pressed; cocking her head to the side just like Seth had done a few days ago in the woods.

"Well, we were in the eighth grade," I laughed nervously, feeling my entire face go entirely warm, "it was never that serious."

"So you admit that you have commitment issues," Leah said, sounding triumphant.

I gasped and shook my head, feeling frantic. "No, no, its just- like- I'm pretty sure he asked me to the movies because his friends dared him too, and then we broke up because he stopped texting me back and I never really liked him that much anyway because we had gym together and I wasn't sure he wore deodorant but I had a friend named Hannah who had wanted to get his friends number so she made me go on a date with him. His mom picked us up in her minivan, and—"

"Oh my god," Leah laughed hysterically, cutting off my rambling. "Oh my god!"

Leah laughed until we pulled into Charlie Swan's driveway, and she laughed even while she helped her mom carry the groceries into his house. Her laugh followed me into my own house while Seth carried the groceries in and put them on the table. Seth apologized for Leah embarrassing me, but I just brushed it off. Everyone needed to laugh sometimes, and I didn't mind being the punch line if it made someone else happy.

"Thanks for the ride and for helping me with my groceries," I thanked him, digging in my back pocket to put Disgusting Dan's credit card back on the table.

"No sweat," Seth said with a wide grin. I turned around to put the milk in the fridge, thinking that he would let himself out and I would see him again whenever.

"Hey, Gracie?" Seth said, notifying me of his presence. I spun around, nearly dropping the eggs. He lingered in the doorway, resting his hand on the chipped paint. Suddenly, I felt very self-conscious of the state of my house.

My mom and Disgusting Dan were hardly ever in the house, and in the week that I had been back I hadn't done any cleaning. Dirty plates and dirty clothes were scattered around the floor, and half the lights had burned out but I hadn't bothered to check which half. Plates that had made to the sink piled up there, and the trashcan beside Seth's leg was overflowing.

"What is it?" I asked, turning back around to hide my returning blush. I pushed the eggs inside the fridge and tried to close it before Seth could see the molding containers filled with expired food.

"Do you think that you would want to hang out sometime, maybe get some dinner?" He asked, and I heard a little hopefulness in his voice. It made my chest fill with bubbles again.

In such a short time of knowing him, I felt like I have gone on the deepest emotional roller coaster. At first he terrified me. Then I hated him, then I was interested in him, and now he made me feel happier than I had felt in a long time. Did I want to go out with him? Yes, of course I did. He was beautiful, he was polite, he was funny, and he seemed to like me.

But there was that voice that sounded remarkable like Adam's, nagging at me in the back of my mind, telling me to not get attached. I was only going to be in Forks for a little while. A year, at the most, and then I had to leave. Plus, I just wasn't in the right place. Not mentally, at least.

Seth was just so _hot_. He was tall, tall, tall, and he had the brightest smile of anyone I had ever met. His eyes were so dark and they held so much. His hair was short and held rain in the most delicate way. His skin was dark and beautiful and I wanted him to pick me up and hold me like a man has never held me before. It would be so easy to turn him down if he didn't look like everything I'd never known I wanted.

"Yeah," I heard myself say, practically blurted out. God, I bet he thought I was such an idiot.

"Awesome," Seth said with a smile. "I'll pick you up tomorrow, if that's okay."

"I have work tomorrow," I blurted again. It was my first day of work. I had gotten a job over the phone with a law firm as a secretary. The firm was nestled above one of the shops in town, owned by two old guys named Nelson and Jacobson. They had done my parents divorce. It was the only job I could get with my GED that paid above minimum wage.

Seth looked unsure, so I backtracked as quickly as I could. "But I get off at five."

He smiled that beautiful smile and I grabbed a scrap of paper and a pen to scribble my number down, telling him to text me tomorrow. Seth took it from my hand kind of clumsily, and tripped over the carpet on the way out the door. I smiled as I watched him from the window above my kitchen sink. He talked to his family as they left Charlie Swan's house and said something that made his mom smile and Leah look over her shoulder at my house. I ducked down below the sink, hoping that she didn't see me. I waited until I heard Seth's car roar down the street before stood up again.

I smiled all afternoon.

* * *

It was late when I got a knock on the door. I sprung up from the couch and grabbed the cash from the counter, thinking that it was the pizza that I had ordered thirty minutes before. Instead, it was Bella Swan and Alice Cullen.

"Heya, girlie," Alice cooed, side stepping me so that she could enter my house. "Where's your mom?"

I stepped back from the door to let Bella in, feeling some surprise that she didn't try to stop Alice from trespassing. She seemed to always be trying to reign in her feisty friend. It made me envious of things that I had left behind in order to go to Alaska. "I don't know where she is," I told her, feeling like Alice probably Knew if Bella Knew. They didn't seem the type to be able to keep secrets very well.

"Probably with Disgusting Dan, right?" She asked innocently, giving Bella a side eye as she glanced around our small living room. I froze, my hand crumpling up the wad of ones I still held in my hand. There's no way she could've know that I called him that without reading my mind. I hadn't told anyone, for fear of it getting back to my mom.

"I think what Alice is trying to say is that we want to be your friends," Bella atoned. I glanced in between them for a moment before starting to laugh. It was just ridiculous. Too ridiculous.

"This isn't how you make friends. You guys know that, right? This isn't how you make friends," I told them in disbelief. Bella shrugged and Alice offered me a small smile. "We can be friends as long as you never tell me how much you know about what happened," I acquiesced. It would be the first and only time that I would ever purposefully bring up what we all knew the others knew.

Alice nodded in agreement, and Bella followed begrudgingly. "We are here to collect you for shopping," Alice announced after we all stared at each other for a somber moment.

"Heard you have a hot date tomorrow," Bella said through a smile.

"Well, dinner's coming any minute," I said with hesitation, still fisting the dollar bills tightly in my hand. How did they even know about Seth and mine's date tomorrow? I had only just agreed to it a few hours ago. Word didn't travel that fast in Forks. Plus, I felt like if I went with them, it would just seal my fate as the girl who is majorly pathetic.

It wasn't that I didn't want to go with them. It was just the anxiety of it all. Going shopping with people from my high school who were seniors when I was a sophomore made me nervous. Shopping with people I didn't know well made me nervous. Hanging out with people who I didn't know well made me nervous. On top of everything else, they were so much prettier than me. So much so that people would probably stop and stare at us as we walked down the street wondering why some girl with frizzy hair was hanging out with a pair of models, and I just didn't need that kind of attention on me. They may be used to it, but I sure as hell wasn't.

"We can eat in Port Angeles," Alice decided, practically dancing over to me to take the dollar bills out of my hand. "Its on us."

I knew that the Cullens were loaded, everyone did, but it made me ashamed that they knew that I wasn't. It shouldn't have mattered, it wasn't like Alice and Bella were going to say mean things about me behind my back, but it still rubbed me the wrong way. It was the principle of the thing, which was one of Adam's favorite things to say.

"Um, okay. Thanks, I guess. First a ride to a bonfire and now I get to go shopping," I cheered, grabbing my cell phone from the couch and giving them a tentative smile. "This was been a great week."

"Shouldn't you tell your mom that you're going?" Bella asked, worry coloring her voice. I shook my head.

"Ah, no. She won't really notice. If she does, she has my number," I told her, following them as Alice practically shoved Bella and I out of the house and into their shiny Mercedes SUV.

As we pulled out the driveway, the pizza guy was pulling in. Alice leaned out the window, much to Bella's chagrin, and yelled, "We won't be needing your services today, sir," and ordered Bella to gun it.

It made me laugh. Today had started with milk and ended with the acquiring of two friends. All in all, it was going pretty good for me in Forks besides my disastrous first day. It only made sense, then, that what happened to me next had to be the worst luck ever.

* * *

 **Don't own.**

 **This chapter was kind of a filler for the next chapter, which may or may not have some sexy times in it.**


	4. Chapter 4

My first day at work wasn't nearly as stressful and confusing as I thought it would be. My boss, Mr. Nelson, was a racist, sexist, homophobic old white dude ingrained with an opposition to universal health care. He told me that all I really had to do was take calls and make sure he made it to all of his appointments, even the ones that didn't have to with the law firm. He had a dental appointment next Tuesday that I was supposed to accompany him to.

He told me that files pertaining to women went in pink files, male client's files went in the blue folders, and if they were something else to put them in the red folders. Everything was in alphabetic order, by month, by year. Once the cases had been settled, I would go back through and mark them with a green highlighter.

All I did that first day after my "orientation" was filing old closed cases into these huge filing cabinets that were spray painted brown, lining the back of Mr. Nelson's office. By the time Mr. Nelson sent me home at five, my feet felt like they could fall off at any moment. It had definitely been a mistake to wear heels and a tight pencil skirt on my first day.

When I walked outside, it was pouring rain. It rained all the time, more than Alaska. I had forgotten that. Also, I had left my umbrella inside. Mom and Disgusting Dan were off doing god knows what, probably providing the city of Forks with car insurance, as one does. Mr. Nelson had already gone home to his third wife, who was apparently much younger than him according to my mother, and there was no way that I was going to try to call him to come back. Instead, I decided standing on the covered porch of the building was my best bet.

As I stood there, considering getting soaked to the bone and wondering what to do, a car pulled up. I recognized it immediately, but only because I had been there when her dad gave it to her. A 2007 light blue Prius, just like she wanted. God knows why.

She rolled down the window but didn't say anything at first. She was sizing me up, I could tell. I spoke first.

"Hey," I said casually, "thanks for the phone calls. I really appreciate that my best friend reached out to me."

Hannah Hatcher shook her dark hair away from her face and glared up at me with seething dark brown eyes. "Get in, you moron," she snapped. "I had to hear from fucking Rebecca Donovan that you were back in town, the dumb bitch."

I got in, but I was angry about it. Her interior smelled the same (lemons), and her clothes looked the same (fashionable), but she was different. Her eyes scanned me coldly as she took my in my professional outfit and my wild hair. Curly hair, we both still had that in common. I don't know what else.

Hannah Hatcher had been my best friend the moment I met her the first day of school. We didn't have some cute story or anything, she didn't protect me from bullies and I didn't steal her sandwich at lunch. We just fell towards each other, and we had supported each other ever since.

Hannah was everything I wasn't. Carmel skin, warm brown eyes, and she was always laughing. I stayed at her house every chance I could, and she helped me. Hannah had been everything to me, besides Adam.

I regretted telling her about The Thing, the defining factor of my short life. She had tried to be there for me the best way she knew how, but in the end, she distanced herself from me completely. I didn't tell her, or Rebecca Donovan, when I left, and I sure as hell didn't tell them when I came back.

"I didn't think you would want to hear from me," I said sulkily, staring at the familiar road. Hannah still knew the way to my house and as much as I didn't want her to remember, it felt comfortable.

"Well you aren't still," She trailed off, lifting a hand off the steering wheel to gesture vaguely at my slouching form in the passenger seat. I crossed and uncrossed my arms over my chest as I debated what to tell her.

"I've been sober for almost a year, if that's what you're asking," I supplied. Hannah tensed up.

Forks, Washington, didn't have kids who popped pills. If they did, it was recreational. I had been an alcoholic and addicted to various opiates when I left. Now, I was working at a law office after a brief stint in rehab, 12 steps, and one GED later.

My addictions were one of the reasons I left, and Hannah had sealed the coffin on that one.

"Well how was Alaska?" She asked, forcing her voice into another octave to put on the appearance of happy. I rolled my eyes, but let out a laugh. There was once a time when we were so close that I lived at her house. She had been the only reprieve I had ever known.

Now, we were fragile. I felt like I was getting to know her again, but that she was much less trustworthy.

"It was cold. I liked it," I told her, opening up to her as much as she was opening up to me.

"Well I decided not to go to college, as you can tell," she said, sounding proud but I could see past it. Hannah had never been very smart, but she more than made up with it in extracurriculars.

"To each their own," I said with a shrug. She laughed even though it wasn't funny and I laughed too because I thought maybe it would fix something that felt broken and nostalgic when I looked at her.

She pulled over, and I grabbed the Oh Shit Handle. Hannah had always been a terrible driver; she failed her driving exam twice.

"I just want to get this out in the air because I've missed you like crazy and I was so angry with you for so long over something that you had no control over. A super shitty thing happened to you and I should have been there for you. I shouldn't have let you spiral out, and I'm sorry" Hannah said, staring out the windshield with a tight grip on the steering wheel as the words rushed out of her. She sighed and sat back in her cloth seat like she had deflated. "It was a pretty fucking awful day when I found out you left. I know that you felt like I didn't care, but I did. I didn't know when you were coming back. I hated you for it, but now that you're here I just want things to go back the way they were."

I nodded and listened to what she said. I appreciated her apology. "I'll do my best, Han," I promised, "but I'm not the same person I was. You can't ask me to be her."

Hannah finally looked at me and I was stunned by the tears in her eyes. "Deal," she said.

We pulled back onto the road and listened to a song by Hilary Duff. Hannah sang the chorus and I pretended I didn't see her swipe at her eyes as she drove me home.

My mom's house had a Ford Bronco parked out front, and Hannah made a small noise when we saw it after rounding the corner. It was Seth's car; I was sure of it. I had forgotten to tell him that I would have to raincheck, and I guess he had decided to come to my house to find out where I was.

"That's Seth Clearwater's car," Hannah told me, reaffirming the fact. I looked at her in confusion. She shrugged. "A lot happened while you were gone."

Seth bounded out of the house, his eyes scanning me as I walked to stand next to Hannah. He was wearing cutoff denim shorts and no shirt. NO SHIRT. My eyes were glued to his body, and his muscles rippled, actually rippled, every time he moved.

Hannah found her voice first. "Hey, Seth," she said nonchalantly. Seth gave her a brief smile.

"Are you ready to go, Gracie?" He asked like we had an established plan. Hannah looked at me expectantly, like I was about to explain whatever the fuck was going on with this shirtless boy standing in front of my house waiting for me to go on a motherfucking date with him.

"Holy shit," I said. "Why are you at my house?"

Hannah elbowed me in the side. "Gracie Seeders, stop being a dumb bitch," she hissed out of the corner of her glossy lips.

"Well I went to the law office your mom said you worked at but you weren't there and then I came here and I didn't know where you were. The door was open so I went in," Seth said, and then trailed off. "Then you pulled up. I'm glad you're okay."

"Um," Hannah stuttered after a tense moment where nobody moved or made any kind of noise, "I guess I'll see you guys later."

"You're not going to try to hug me or anything are you?" I teased, begging her with my eyes not to leave me alone. I didn't know how to act around Seth.

She gave me a hard stare and promised to call me later before getting back in her Prius and driving away silently. I appreciated her eco-friendly side, but right now I hated her for leaving me alone with a shirtless stalker boy that showed up at my house based on a vague promise of dinner.

Yesterday, after I had gone shopping with Bella and Alice, they had told me a little about Seth Clearwater. He wasn't always that intense, like the night I had met him at the bonfire. Alice said he was a nice guy, but that he smelled a little like wet dog so I should probably watch out for that. Bella and I laughed as I stuffed my face with food court Sbarro and they clutched tightly to their water cups.

Seth also had never been really interested in other girls before me. I told them about how he showed up places I happened to be and they looked at each other mysteriously. I figured the reason Alice and Bella look like models is because they didn't eat and they only drank water. Maybe the reason Seth was interested in me instead of them was because he hadn't seen us side by side in these fluorescent mall lights where they seemed to be slightly glittering.

Presently, Seth was staring at me expectantly. I knew my mom and Disgusting Dan weren't home, so I couldn't use them as an excuse. There was really only one thing I could do.

"I have to change," I told him, "and then we can go."

Seth's face split open with a blinding grin and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. He made to follow me into the house and I put a hand up to stop him. "Just wait in the car, okay? It's been a long day; I just want a second."

Seth nodded sympathetically and climbed into the Ford Bronco.

* * *

Twenty minutes later we were on our way.

Seth was talking about this Italian restaurant we were going to in Port Angeles, and I just felt like being difficult.

"I don't like Italian food," I said.

Seth balked. "What? Like pizza?"

I shrugged, even though I did like pizza. I pulled my grey jacket tighter around me as a feeling of awkwardness closed in on me. Now I felt bad that I shut down his idea, but it was too late.

"Well, I guess we'll go somewhere else," Seth said, sounding sour.

We stopped at a quaint diner outside of Port Angeles. Seth put his huge, warm hand on the small of my back and guided me in. I tried not to flinch despite all of my instincts telling me to run. Screaming.

We ordered and the waitress brought our food out immediately. And continued to bring out food as Seth devoured it. He had put on a shirt while I had been changing into less professional clothing and doing breathing exercises to hinder my oncoming panic attack. It was an old band t-shirt with a terribly corning wolf howling at the moon. In red lettering on the moon, the band name read "Vampires Are Bad," a name that was nothing if not original.

I picked at my remaining fries as I watched in sick fascination as Seth gorged on his third burger.

"Are you done?" Seth asked as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. I had blinked and he finished the burger. He took a slurp from the giant soda the waitress had set before him.

I glanced at my fries in my greasy basket as I considered the question. Was I done? Was I just going to accept that this man in front of me was blindly interested in me after he nearly killed me the first time I met him? Was I just going to believe that Bella could drink water and turn into a supermodel? That Alice could seemingly read my mind and appeared to know exactly what I was going to say right before I said it.

I decided to start off easy.

"Why does Bella Swan look like a supermodel?" I asked.

Seth raised his eyebrows and glanced down at his empty plate. When he looked back up again at me, he was grinning.

"You noticed that, huh?" Seth asked genially, amusement coloring his voiced as I crossed my arms and leaned back into the cracked red booth that hadn't been properly cleaned since Reagan was in office. "The glow-up is real, right? They tell me their secret is meditation. Beautiful and pure on the inside, beautiful on the outside."

"Bullshit," I said. Seth barked out a laugh.

"Alright," he said, his eyes dancing with mirth, "you caught me. She's a vampire now."

I rolled my eyes again and Seth smiled widely at me, bending his head to catch my eye.

"And I'm a witch," I said.

"And I'm a werewolf," he said, and laughed again.

"Well then why did you ask me out?" I tried again, hoping he would give me at least one straight answer.

"My werewolf senses told me to," Seth said, wriggling his fingers in front of his face as he made a spooky sound.

"Oh really?" I said, allowing a smile to cross my face despite myself. I couldn't help it; his grins were contagious. They were so bright and full of hope and innocence. "Well, if your werewolf senses were telling you to ask me out, then why did I say yes?"

Seth paused and put on a show of thinking it over, taking a huge gulp from his cup before splitting his face into another huge smile.

"You think I'm sexy. And mysterious. And you think I'm funny," he finally said. I laughed, caught off guard by his answer.

He was so surprising. When I first met him, I thought he was going to kill me. And then I thought he was a pervert, and then I thought he was a stalker. But now… I don't know.

"Tell me something about you," he said but it sounded like he was begging. I tried vainly to keep up with his changing moods.

I stared at him, hard. I tried to find that little catch in his eye, one last time. I was giving him one more chance to let me know the he Knew, so I wouldn't get too invested. Luckily, it wasn't there.

"I lived in Alaska," I told him blandly, dipping a fry in some ketchup and popping it into my mouth.

Seth rolled his eyes. "I already know that," he told me, sounding frustrated.

"Okay," I felt myself saying without consciously thinking it through, "I have a brother. His name is Adam. He's my best friend. I got my GED up there with him. He's studying aerospace engineering, but he really wants to do more research on the Northern Lights. They only show up certain times of the year and they light up the whole sky. They come in colors I had never even seen before. Adam and I went and slept outside once, to watch them, but I couldn't look away. They dance like they're telling you a story, I swear it. I miss it being in Alaska with Adam like all the time. I don't really even know what I'm doing back here."

I stopped because I could feel tears threatening to spill over onto my cheeks. Seth's usually happy face had a shocked look in its place with his mouth hanging open like he was about to say something and his eyes wide. I reached up and brushed my knuckles to catch any tears, but I hadn't cried in a long time. Nothing came out of my eyes anymore. I did genuinely feel bad for making Seth uncomfortable, and I opened my mouth to apologize.

"Don't apologize," Seth said in a rush, reaching out and covering my hand with his own. I withdrew after a moment, but I didn't hate the gesture.

"Do you want to go?" he asked. I nodded and smiled shyly.

On the way out, I surprised myself and let him drape a heavy arm over my shoulders as we walked back to his Ford Bronco.

Once he reversed and got back on the road stretching between Port Angeles and Forks, I found my voice again.

"I don't know where that came from," I told him, and I was being honest.

"It sounded sincere," Seth said. "When was the last time you talked to your brother?"

"Yesterday," I said, but he just nodded.

"That's tough," he agreed. I looked at him in confusion, which he must have caught out of the corner of his eye. "Missing a family member, I mean. My dad died when I was fifteen, and it's like a piece of me died with him. A piece of me definitely died with him."

"I'm sorry," I said reflexively.

"It was a long time ago," Seth said, running a hand over his short hair, "nothing to be sorry about."

I nodded in full agreement. Seth felt such an innate, raw emotion about everything. If he thought something was funny he laughed, if he felt happy he smiled, if he felt sad he told you about it. I had never been able to do that.

After a brief moment of pensive silence, Seth launched into a long monologue about his day. He talked about what he had done with his friends at work, what he was planning on doing tomorrow, that one thing Jacob Black had said that was really funny, that fight that Paul and Sam had over this pickup truck with a faulty fuel pump.

I sat quietly and listened as he talked. I learned that he did in fact work in an auto shop, that he loved his mom, his sister, and his friends most of all. He even loved Charlie Swan (though he was definitely making the moves on his mom, as he so eloquently put it). His life seemed very black and white; no drama, no emotional baggage. He was happy, he liked his life, he was young, and he was healthy. He loved to laugh and smile and would glance over at me in the passenger seat every so often to make sure that I was laughing along or if I even seemed interested.

Sometimes he would ask me questions like this:

"Do you like your new job?"

And I would say:

"The old man that I work for has a lot of rules."

Then he would laugh and continue on.

His laugh sounded like summer, on those really hot days where a breeze isn't even cool. When the wind blows warm air at you from the ground up, washing over you like you haven't already given in to the heat, like it's begging to give you more warmth.

I found myself studying his dark profile as he spoke. His face was faintly illuminated by the light blue glow of the buttons on the dashboard and the occasional passing headlight. He had a slight bump in his nose where it looked like it was broken and not properly set before it healed. He had long eyelashes and big eyebrow. His jaw line was sharp and when he smiled his cheeks pushed high up on his face, disguising his delicate cheekbones. He was so hot. Like so, so, so, hot.

In another life I wouldn't have even been able to look at him. He was brighter than the sun even when the world outside was dark.

I blinked and we were pulling up in front of my house. All of the lights were off but my mom and Disgusting Dan's cars were parked in the driveway. Seth reached behind the bench seat through the window into the covered truck of the Bronco. He grabbed my bag and my jacket and handed them to me with a big grin.

I accepted them with a small thank you. Seth crinkled his eyes up at me and his white teeth flashed in the darkness.

"Vampires are bad, huh?" I said, pointing at his shirt. Seth looked down and shrugged. "What about Bella Swan?" I teased.

"I guess she's the exception. They're actually a pretty good band. It's some of my friends from the auto shop. They're having a show on Wednesday at 7 at the only bar in Forks if you want to come. With me, I mean."

I crinkled my nose at him. "Why are you so interested in me? I know you've been with Hannah Hatcher, she all but told me. And she's really pretty. So what's your deal. Why are you so persistent?" I asked, but I wasn't serious. He wasn't being serious with me either. Bella Swan, a vampire? Yeah, right.

"You're beautiful," he said immediately, without hesitation. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life."

I froze, unable to move as I watched his body move closer to mine. My heart rate picked up and I remembered the last time I had been this close to a man who was looking at me the way Seth was looking at me. He wanted something from me, but I found myself actually wanting to give it to him. And yet…

I let him pull on a loose ringlet that had fallen out of the careful braid I had plaited this morning. Seth looked at me for permission.

"Is it okay if I—" Seth said before being interrupted by his cellphone ringing loudly from inside of his pocket.

He withdrew from me and I continued to do my best impression of a stone statue. My heart was still going a million miles a minute. Seth glanced down at the caller id and answered the call without hesitation.

"Fuck," he cursed, sounded genuinely angry for the first time since I had known him. "What do you want, Brady?"

He listened for a moment before promising his prompt attendance and ending the call. He looked at me with dark eyes and I finally found my ability to move.

I surged forward and let him wrap his arms around me as we crushed our lips together. Our teeth crashed together painfully and I grimaced but didn't stop my assault on his mouth. Seth swung my body to straddle his lap, squishing me in between him and the steering wheel. My hands were grabbing at anything to pull him closer to me while his buried themselves in my hair.

His mouth was soft and dry, and his tongue traced the inside of my cheek with a gentleness that his body didn't reflect. I felt myself getting frustrated and bit at his bottom lip, sucking hard after the initial bite. Seth growled and pressed himself tighter to me. Tighter, I thought, and tighter we pressed together. His hand found its way under my pretty blue shirt, over my hipbone, up my stomach, higher and higher and—

I ripped myself away from him and we stared at each other from opposite ends of the bench seat, heaving. I hadn't ever wanted anyone to touch me like that again. But I didn't feel violated. It felt good. I liked it. I liked Seth.

"Call me on Wednesday," I told him. "And call the house phone. I don't just go handing out my cell phone number like a crazy person. Don't show up at my house again unless I invite you, okay?"

I grabbed the handle to the door and pushed it open, falling onto the familiar cracked sidewalk of my childhood home. I straightened and headed up the drive, feeling Seth's eyes on the back of my neck. I turned back around and he was cranking down the window.

"Can't I call you tomorrow?" he asked.

I laughed a shook my head. "No. And you're making a big mistake, you know. I've got issues."

Seth laughed back. "God, Gracie," he said, and I wish I could live in the way he said my name. "You don't know from issues."

* * *

I'm ALLLLIIIVE. It's been a few years what's up?


	5. Chapter 5

**TRIGGER WARNING: DRUG ABUSE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT MENTIONS BELOW**

* * *

Hannah picked me up from work again on Tuesday. She took me to the most progressive place in Forks; a tiny bookstore with a frozen yogurt shop inside. It attracted the few intelligent types in Forks, which were few and far between. That Tuesday, Hannah and I were the only ones in in the whole shop, excluding the bored shop clerk who was blowing bubbles with her pink gum and scrolling through her phone.

"I've been working at the hair salon," Hannah said with a shrug, picking at her froyo. I had finished mine a few minutes ago and was staring absently at the bottom of my empty cup while she filled me in on everything I had missed. "I like it, but the pay isn't great. Mallory Brandenburg has been dancing at a club in Seattle on the weekends and she makes buckets of money, so I'm thinking about that, too. She's pregnant with Brandon Foley's kid, so there might be a spot opening up anyway."

I nodded, but I wasn't interested. I knew Hannah wasn't going to actually start stripping, she thought her thighs were too fat. And Mallory and Brandon had been dating since the 7th grade. All of the gossip just wasn't interesting anymore. I just didn't care.

"Hey," Hannah said, snapping her fingers in my face to get my attention, "I asked you a question, Gracie."

"What?" I said, color creeping up my neck into my ears. Hannah always knew how to make me feel stupid. "What did you say?"

"I asked how Adam's doing," she said, rolling, her dark eyes.

I forgot that Hannah used to have a big crush on Adam. He had never given her the time of day, and I always thought it was weird. He was kind of dorky looking growing up, all legs and arms and Hannah had always been gorgeous.

"Um, he's good. He hit a rough patch his freshman year, when everything started coming out about me, but I think he's doing better. He's graduating in the spring. He's applying to work at NASA, I think, I don't really remember," I said, squinting as I thought about it.

"Oh my god," Hannah exclaimed, breaking up my train of thought. "That reminds me. Do you remember Bella Swan? She got married to Edward Cullen like right after you left. Do you think it was a shotgun wedding?"

I was about to answer when Hannah kicked me under the table. I cried out but she pointed to the bookstore part of the store where—who would have guessed it—the Cullen's walked in.

Well, not all of them. Edward Cullen picked up a used copy of a Jane Austen novel while Jasper Hale and Alice Cullen whispered quietly to each other. As I turned, Alice Cullen immediately met my eyes and smiled widely, dragging Jasper by the hand towards us.

I turned back to Hannah who was nervously spooning froyo into her mouth.

"Okay," I said, "don't freak out but Alice Cullen and I are sort of friends. We went shopping two days ago."

Just as Hannah said "What?" through a mouthful of yogurt, Alice squealed my name and kissed the top of my head.

"Alice," Jasper warned as I leaned away and put a hand on my head where she had kissed me. She hadn't gotten any less weird, I guess.

As soon as my discomfort came, I felt an alien wave of peace wash over me. It trickled down the back of my neck like I was standing under the steady stream of a warm shower. Hannah also visibly relaxed her shoulders removing themselves from her ears. Jasper nodded at me as I gave him a tight smile in greeting.

"How did your date go?" Alice said, ignoring Jasper even as he wrapped an arm over her slight shoulders. She reached up to hold his hand that was hanging over her right shoulder like it was second nature. I suddenly remembered that Seth had done the same thing to me last night.

"Uh, it wasn't a date," I stuttered, looking at Hannah. "I only just met him."

"He's smokin' though," Hannah blurted out, which was very out of character for her. We all turned to look at her and she put more of the bland vanilla frozen yogurt into her mouth with a strange intensity.

Edward broke the silence by bringing his bag of purchased books over. He put his hand on one of Jasper's shoulder and said something so low and so quick that I couldn't make it out, despite the fact that they were standing over me.

"Edward," Alice chimed musically, "Gracie and Seth are dating. Her mom lives right next door to Charlie Swan."

Edward nodded, looking bored.

"Seth's a good guy," he said automatically, like he had been programmed to do it.

I knew Seth was a good guy. I didn't need Bella Swan's new husband to lay it out for me. The problem I was having with Seth was if I was good for him or not. If it would make me relapse if it ended badly. If I could have a physical relationship with him or not.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Edward said, interrupting my inner ramblings. His golden eyes glanced over me curiously, but he didn't smile reassuringly like Alice was. If it wasn't for him blinking, he looked like a standing corpse.

"Well, we have to get this book home. Someone in the house is studying 1800s British literature," Alice said cryptically, then gave a light, high-pitched laugh.

We said goodbye and they left just as quickly as they came.

"What the actual fuck just happened," Hannah said, looking from me to the doors they just left from. "I've never even seen them outside of school. And you can bet your sweet ass they've never talked to any of us."

"I guess even the Cullen's like books," I said with a shrug. Hannah and laughed and through our empty cups in the trash.

I had debated on asking her since I had gotten into the car after work, and now I finally felt comfortable enough to do it. No conversation that we had could be weirder than the one we just had.

"Can I just ask, before anything else happens, you're not mad that I went out with Seth Clearwater are you?" I asked. Hannah grabbed her bag as we both got up from the table and wandered without pressure through the stacks of books towards the door.

"No," she said letting her red-painted fingernail trail thoughtlessly over the spines of the books. "I mean it was never that serious. I met him at a party that Rachel Donovan wanted to go to on the Reservation. He wasn't the hottest one there, but he was the only one that didn't have a girl hanging off of them. It was like a one-night stand thing, as corny as that sounds, but he did drive me all the way home, back in town."

I got the feeling that this was a story she shared with a lot of different boys.

"The only reason that I remembered his car when I saw it was because Rachel had been mad at me for a week after. Apparently, Seth had been the reason that we had gone to the party in the first place. Oh, well, not the first time I've stolen a guy from Rachel Donovan, and it probably won't be the last," she said, laughing at her own act of cruelty. The sound was unfeeling.

"Do you want to come over for a movie tonight?" I asked, changing the subject. "My mom and Disgusting Dan left me his credit card for pizza, and Dan pays for HBO."

She opened the door and I followed her out to street where her car was parked. The sun, which had been out that morning, was now hidden behind a dark cloud. Her car beeped as it unlocked and I slid into the passenger seat with some familiarity.

"As tempting as that sounds," Hannah said, not sounding tempted at all, "Chris Carmichael invited me over tonight. I've been trying to hit that for months."

I frowned, not recognizing the name at all.

"Who's that?"

Hannah smirked, looking almost evil as she leaned over to turn up the volume of a poppy song that talked about getting over some loser guy.

"He's older," she said. "A lot older."

* * *

I had finished my pizza an hour ago and I was deep into the fourth Harry Potter movie when I heard the first wolf howl.

Immediately, I froze. I didn't ever remember hearing wolves growing up. We were too close to the city, we made too much noise, my parents had given Adam and I thousands of reasons. This howl was close, too.

Suddenly, the phone rang and I fell off the couch in shock. It was well past 11 o'clock at night. I scrambled to my feet to grab it off of the kitchen counter without checking the caller id. I answered the phone.

"Hello?" I said, catching my breath.

"Gracie? Is that you?"

My heart stopped. I broke out into a cold sweat. Suddenly, I was 14 years old again, hiding under my covers, praying that tonight would be the night that he wouldn't come into my room.

"Gracie?" My father said again. I let the phone fall out of my grasp, my hand going limp. I held my arms close to my chest as I felt my heart rate pick up exponentially.

I stared down on the phone like it was going to turn into a snake and bite me. For the first time in six months, I wanted a drink.

I didn't know what to do. A million thoughts were going through my head all at once. I wanted to talk to Adam, I wanted to get high, I wanted a drink, I wanted to I wanted to I wanted to

Run.

I was running, through the woods, towards the treehouse. My bare feet felt like they were barely touching the pine needles that covered the ground below me. This was the only place I knew that he wouldn't follow me in the treehouse.

I hit the tree at full force, climbing like there was someone chasing me. It felt like there was. It always felt like there was someone chasing me, like there was someone right behind me, and they were going to grab me and hold me down and ignore me begging for them to stop. They were going to force their way inside of me and then pretend they loved me.

His voice brought every memory, every second of it, back to me. I had been pushing it down, farther and farther, and I thought it didn't bother me anymore.

I threw up off the side of the treehouse, all of the pizza I had eaten coming right back up. I screamed until I was hoarse. After I couldn't scream anymore, I started crying. Once I started, I couldn't stop. I cried for hours probably, pressed up against the side of a staple from my childhood. My arms wrapped around my knees, keeping them pressed tightly to my chest as I cried until I tired myself out.

I woke up hours later in the early light of the morning. Immediately, I noticed that I needed some water.

Blinking, I got up. My curly hair was caught on a piece of wood and I yanked my head up harshly, leaving a ringlet or two behind. With aching joints, I climbed back down the tree on the rickety old steps, avoiding the step that I had missed the last time I was at the treehouse.

The oversized t shirt that I was wearing was probably Adam's, and I used the collar to scrub away the tracks of dried tears on my cheeks. Like a sleepwalker, I walked into the open front door of my house and up the stairs to the bathroom where I brushed my teeth to take out the taste of vomit. I changed into my work clothes and ran a brush through my wild hair and walked downstairs.

No one had broken in during the hours I had been MIA. I felt detached from that time, like it hadn't happened. I cleaned up the pizza trash and turned off the television. I picked up the phone and put it back on the cradle. As soon as I replaced it, it started ringing.

All of the crazy emotions I felt last night didn't come back. I picked the phone back up and checked the caller id. It was a local area code, and I answered the call.

"You said I could call on Wednesday," a deep voice said. I let out a breath that was making my chest tight. I sat down on the couch, bracing my arm on my leg and letting my head fall onto my open hand.

"Hey," I said, choking on a lump in my throat, "I said call tonight, not 6 am."

"Gracie," Seth said, sounding serious. "What's wrong? Why do you sound like that?"

"Um, it's a really long story," I said, laughing but sounding watery. I sniffed and wiped the tears that were falling again. "God, it's such a long story."

"I'm on my way," Seth said.

"Seth don't, seriously," I said, but the line was already dead. I took the phone from my ears and stared at it.

I had never had a friend like Seth who was willing to drop everything to come help me even when he didn't know what was wrong. Adam is the closest thing I had to it, but he had responsibilities and he was so far away. Maybe Hannah was at one time, but it had been a long time and she wasn't like that anymore. My mom was always gone, she always had been, but when she was here she was overwhelming.

I don't know how long I had sit there considering the home phone when there was a knock on the front door. I got up, checking the clock, and it had only been ten minutes since Seth had called. He must have sped over here.

Seth was completely shirtless and wearing the same cutoff denim shorts that he had been wearing before. He was breathing hard, like he had been running, and I stared at his chest again.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," I whispered, moving aside to let him in.

He walked to the couch and sat down staring up at me as I moved to stand in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. He glanced around at the fairly clean house and said, "Where are your parents?"

I shrugged and nosed at where the carpet was coming up with my nude ballet flats. "My mom and her boyfriend have been gone for a few days," I said. "I think she went with him on a business trip somewhere."

"Well what's wrong?" Seth said, standing up and filling the whole room with his giant body. He reached me in two huge strides and was standing inches away. I avoided his warm brown eyes like the plague.

He was too nice. I couldn't tell him; he wouldn't know what to do. It might be the worst thing he's ever heard.

Instead, I reached out my shaking hands to place them on his bare chest. He flinched slightly, probably because my hands were freezing cold after sleeping outside in just an oversized t-shirt and his body felt feverish. He didn't move away, though.

"I just need," I said, whispering. I cleared my throat and I said louder, "I need you to kiss me, Seth."

Seth looked at me for a moment, my blue eyes caught finally in his dark ones. His smile was gone, replaced with a serious line. As if he against his will, he wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me towards him so that our bodies were flush against each other. Both of my arms were trapped under his body and he cradled the back of my head in his hand as he leaned down and I got on my tippy toes to touch our lips together.

The other night, we kissed so fast it almost felt like it didn't happen. Now it was slow and deliberate, and I felt him holding back everything. He pressed his lips chastely to mine three times, letting them linger there, like a tease.

I wanted to lose myself in him, wanted to forget about my father and what he had done to me. It was sick; I felt sick about it. With Seth it didn't feel like that. It was so pure, the way he was holding me, I felt like he thought I could actually break.

When he pressed his lips to mine again, I opened my mouth and let my tongue trace the line between his lips. He let me pry him open and I freed my arms to wrap around the back of his neck as he hoisted me up off of the ground, hooking both of my legs around his waist. His arms held against the wall as I kissed down his jaw to his neck. I grazed the spot his jaw met his neck with my teeth before sucking. I heard Seth gasp in my ear and I ran my tongue over the spot before releasing, satisfied with the mark I would leave there.

Seth tasted like salt and something sweet, just like he smelled like the pine trees and summer. My mouth found his again as he reached under my skirt to cup my ass in one of his hands. He ran his fingers around my waist until they found the front of my panties. He dipped his fingers inside.

I moaned as his fingers pushed aside my lips and he stuck a finger inside of me. His thumb made quick work of finding my clit and I moved against him, leaning my head back. Seth's eyes were open and looking at me. I recognized the look in his eye.

"Stop," I said, unwrapping myself from him. He let go of me immediately and backed away.

"I'm sorry," he said uselessly, as if it was something he'd done.

"I need to go to work," I mumbled, feeling angry all of the sudden. I wasn't angry at Seth, more myself for jerking him around like this.

"I'll drive you," he said. I nodded and grabbed my bag and rain jacket, following him out of the door.

We drove silently to the law office. I stared out the window as the trees rushed by and the light drizzle of rain streaked across the glass. The was an old Eagles song playing on the radio and Seth tapped out the rhythm onto the steering wheel. I only let one tear escape, and I wiped it away without Seth even noticing.

We pulled into the parking lot and Seth cut off the engine.

"Thank you for coming over and driving me," I said. "You really didn't have to do that."

"I couldn't help it," Seth said simply. I expected him to smile or laugh, or to make a joke about how I probably couldn't stay away from him either, but he didn't do any of that. He just looked back at me, as serious as could be.

"There's things I have to tell you. A lot of things. I like you, I do. I think you're a good friend. But that's all you can be to me right now. I shouldn't have asked you to kiss me," I said. Seth's eyes held an emotion that was heartbreaking to me, whatever it was. It filled me with longing and nostalgia.

"I'll be whatever you want me to be, Gracie," he promised.

"I can still go to the thing at 7," I said, "but we'll have to go as friends."

He nodded and I jumped out of the car, waving to him as I ran into the building. My hair was frizzing up, so I tied it back. I shut the door behind me as I watched the Bronco from inside. I could clearly see Seth behind the wheel. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly and his head hung down. He took out his phone and called someone before tearing out of the parking lot.

During work I surfed the internet. Mr. Nelson didn't notice or didn't care, I wasn't paying attention. It was a slow day anyway, no one filed for divorce I guess. Finally, around lunch, I found what I was looking for… and NA meeting. I told Mr. Nelson I was taking an hour for lunch and walked to the local church.

By some miracle, everyone at the meeting was a total stranger. I sat down and felt myself get lost in the familiarity of it all. The group leader could have been the pastor, I wouldn't know. My parents obviously weren't overly religious.

When it was time to share stories, I was the second one to stand up.

"Hi, my name is Grace," I said. I paused as the other NA meeting goers responded. "I'm almost a year sober. My last Xanax was last October and my last drink was last August." I paused again for light clapping.

"I was sexually abused by my father from the ages of 11 to 16," I said. "I moved away from Forks when I was 16 after my mom and my brother found out. I lived with my brother in Alaska after that, and I've only been back in Forks about a week. I've met a guy, but I don't trust myself with him. I'm really attracted to him, but I'm scared getting physical would make me relapse. Last night, my father called the house and I answered. It was the first time I've heard his voice in years. I lost my mind, and I ran away from my house and fell asleep outside. If I get physical with this guy, I'm scared it could trigger me. Last night was the first time in a long drink I've wanted to have a drink or pop a pill.

"I've also been hanging out with one of my friends from childhood recently, and all I can think about is how she Knows about my father. And she's had to pick me up off the floor when I got black out drunk so many times that I don't remember. And she used to take those pills with me. And I'm scared what she'll do with that information. I feel paranoid about it.

"But I also feel happy. I like Seth. He's there for me all of the time. This morning he called me and came over right away. He's really great. But I don't want to lead him on. I'm going to tell him everything, and if he Knows, then he Knows. I'm tired of letting the threat of my father invade my personal life. It's time to let him go," I said.

The group of people stared back at me. Finally, after a long moment, the pastor said, "thank you for sharing your story," and the audience clapped politely. I smiled, left the meeting, and went back to work.


End file.
